How to Overcome Your Inner Critic and Strengthen Self-Compassion
- Robert Ach-Hübner
- Aug 31
- 5 min read
We all know it. That voice that constantly monitors our every step and waits for the first mistake to appear. It reminds us that we’re not good enough, compares us to others, and judges us for every misstep. Sometimes it’s quiet and just whispers: “You could have done that better.” Other times it screams so loudly that it completely undermines our belief in ourselves.
How can we work with the inner critic so that it doesn’t trip us up—and instead, build a kinder relationship with ourselves?
Who is the Inner Critic?
Psychology describes the inner critic as a part of our personality that takes on the role of judge and evaluator. It observes our behavior, thoughts, and feelings and immediately compares them to inner standards—things we’ve taken on from parents, school, society, or our own ideals.
The inner critic is thus one of the voices in our internal dialogue. It often clashes with what we might call the authentic self—the part of us that spontaneously experiences, desires, creates, and seeks its own path. While the authentic self draws on what we truly feel and need, the critic assesses whether that aligns with rules, expectations, or ideals.
The Inner Critic Is Not the Enemy
Just like fear, the inner critic developed to protect us—from failure, rejection, or disappointment.
By itself, it is neither good nor bad. It functions as a kind of “inner controller.” It can guide us to discipline, point out mistakes, or provide useful feedback.
The problem arises when its voice becomes too dominant and leaves no room for our authentic self. It then erodes our self-confidence, prevents us from reaching goals, building relationships, developing projects, and collecting new experiences.
How Does the Inner Critic Show Up?
You might hear the voice of your inner critic when you’re facing a new challenge and your mind says: “You can’t do this.”“You’re not capable.”“Give up.”
Or when things don’t go as planned and you immediately think: “See? You messed it up again. You’re completely incompetent.”
It can also appear when you’re standing in front of a mirror and noticing only flaws. Or when you sit down happily with a cup of coffee and instantly hear: “You’re so lazy! You should get up and do something.”
The inner critic is a voice of doubt that follows us in everyday life—at work, in relationships, and in ordinary decisions. Over time, this can lead to:
fear of trying new things
loss of courage and motivation to pursue goals
constant comparison with others
feeling that we’re never good enough
striving for unattainable perfection
inability to protect our own boundaries
ongoing feelings of failure, inadequacy, and guilt
Research also shows that strong self-criticism is among the most common stressors linked to mental difficulties—from anxiety and depression to impostor syndrome and eating disorders.
The Inner Critic vs. Performance
It’s fair to add that the inner critic isn’t always harmful. Many high achievers hold high standards precisely because of it. This voice pushes them forward, fuels perseverance, ambition, and attention to detail.
But behind success, there’s often also immense pressure. And when results don’t come, the feeling of failure grows and the critic’s voice gets even louder.
Six Faces of the Inner Critic
A recent study by psychologist Bronislava Šoková from Comenius University showed that the inner critic doesn’t appear the same way for everyone. The research team described six of the most common “faces” of the critic—and how people responded to them
The Teamster: “Do more, do less, do it differently.”Always in a rush, driven by fear of missing out. Reminds us to do more, better, or differently—whether in work, relationships, or free time. Similar to perfectionism, where we feel our worth depends on constant achievement.
The Non-feeler: “You mustn’t feel so much.”Appears when we experience strong emotions like sadness, anger, or disappointment. Says: “Don’t take it so hard, don’t be so sensitive.” This leads people to suppress emotions, seeing them as weakness.
The Worrier: “You have to be prepared; something will surely go wrong.”Shows up in situations we perceive as risky. Constantly warns: “Something will go wrong; you must be ready.” We then criticize ourselves for not preventing problems.
Not Good Enough for Self: “Be better than you are now.”Speaks up when we don’t meet our own, often unrealistic standards. Says: “You should do better, you should manage more.” Relief comes from accepting that even imperfect results have value and that we’re always doing the best we can.
Not Good Enough for Others: “Be better in other people’s eyes.”Tied to fear of judgment from others. Here, criticism doesn’t come from unmet personal ideals, but from imagined external evaluation. We think: “They’re more capable than me. I’ll never be good enough in their eyes.”
The Hated Self: “You shouldn’t be yourself.”The harshest and most destructive version. This voice attacks what makes us who we are, often linked with deep self-hatred. Relief here usually requires support—from a therapist, a close person, or spiritual guidance. The essential first step is gradually building self-compassion.
How to Work with the Inner Critic and Build a Healthier Relationship with Yourself
The goal isn’t to silence the inner critic—it will always be there in some form. But we can learn to reduce its power.
The first step is to stop identifying with it. To recognize that it’s only one voice in our mind, not the whole truth about us. Once we stop taking its words as absolute reality, they lose their grip.
This is exactly what mindfulness teaches us.
When we pause and notice: “Aha, that’s my inner critic speaking right now,” we are no longer the critic itself—we are the observer. From the position of observer, we can decide whether to believe the voice or to allow a kinder perspective toward ourselvesa
4 practical tips:
➡️ Pause. When the critic starts, don’t react immediately. Take a deep breath, tune into your body, give yourself a few mindful inhales and exhales.
➡️ Observe and label. Say to yourself: “That’s the voice of my inner critic. I don’t have to believe it.”
➡️ Be your own best friend. How would you comfort a friend in the same situation? Try offering yourself the same kindness.
➡️ Focus on progress, not perfection. When the critic puts you down, don’t try to instantly flip it to “everything’s going great.” Instead, say: “I did the best I could.” or “Every day I move a little further.”
If you feel that your inner critic has too much power and you’d like to find a path to greater self-compassion, I’d be glad to support you with mindfulness based coaching. You’ll learn how to recognize critical voices, create healthy distance without suppression, and gradually build a kinder relationship with yourself.
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