Life happens and we often do just two things: We push against unpleasant experiences and try to hold on to the pleasant ones. Neither works.
When we push against the unpleasant ones, they stay with us longer (because they can't pass through and leave us freely). Pressure creates counterpressure.
If we push hard enough, we bury them deep within us and cork them up. This often leads to feeling nothing in certain situations, as neither unpleasant nor pleasant feelings flow. Sometimes the cork pops when there are too many emotions underneath.
Other times, the pressure we create doesn't release at the mind level but manifests as seemingly unrelated physical health issues (psychosomatically), because the mind and body are interconnected and excessive mental pressure creates excessive tension in the body.
When we try to hold on to pleasant experiences, it's the same, because we're simply pushing against those that come instead. The pleasant ones leave anyway, because all feelings are transient. And the desperate attempt to hold on to the pleasant ones also brings about the aforementioned unpleasant tension. The opposite of what we wanted.
A significant part of personal development involves learning to let everything pass through us instead of these automatic reactions of resistance and clinging. Different approaches describe it in various terms, but in the end, it's often about this.
When we let feelings flow freely, it's easier to be with them. We are more in harmony with ourselves and the world. Life flows more smoothly. Emotions come and go and our psyche returns to balance by itself.
How can we learn this approach? We can start with something like this: when something unpleasant comes, let's become aware of our breath and feet and ask ourselves the question 'Can I be with this?' And wait for the answer.
If you get an answer you're unsure about, feel free to write to me (in the comments or privately).
One of the hardest things about cultivating the ability to let experiences flow through us without obstacles is our ability to even realize when we're doing the opposite. To realize when we react with resistance to something we don't like, and when we react with clinging to something nice we're losing. These reactions often activate without us noticing in the midst of all our thoughts and feelings.
The ability to be aware of what's happening and take a different stance (friendly, accepting) is the essence of mindfulness. It's not a quick fix. It's a journey. A lifestyle. Worth cultivating.
If you are drawn to developing this, check out the courses and consultations on offer.
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